Where Am I Heading?
Where is mankind headed? Where am I headed? What is important after living 3/4 of a human lifetime? What am I going to do with the last quarter of my life? What will I leave behind when my spirit goes back to God? These questions are interwoven in my waking thoughts when I am alone.
Work and creation have defined the last 40 years of my life. As an engineer I have created processes to create products that I hoped would improve man's lot and provide a good living for my family. On the side I learned much about human nature and tried to understand more by studying the history of mankind.
I have watched my creations, the dreams I nurtured into processes and products for decades, become commodities for foreigners to build. Weeds grow in the parking lots of buildings where I once created technological wonders that brought wealth to the place where I lived and worked. Now the community crumbles around me, yards unkept, vacant buildings, idle youth sexting one another while using drugs to escape this dreary life. The technology that I helped create is used for the most base human desires.
Perhaps it is normal that hope in this life fades and dies as we grow old. It is awful to know that everything that you worked so hard to build is crumbling around you. To know that your hard-learned wisdom falls on deaf ears and dead eyes. That your daughters have the babies of soul-less dirt bags and that you will be the only human who ever truly loves or cares for them.
So I just plod along. I mow the grass, take out the garbage, pay the bills, fix the broken thing, give the advice knowing it is all for naught. I know that I am not in charge. I never was. God was always the director and I but a prop in His passion play.
I must be the man in my family's life; Husband, father and grandfather. That is the purpose that I must devote the rest of my life to. I must try to create men of honor and principle of my grandsons even as the world works to debauch them every second of every day. My reward is the little gifts that God sprinkles throughout His world. The smile at my whimsy, the soft touch of my wife, the puppy, the boy learns a thing and the smoky fire when everyone is safely home on a cold, snowy winter's evening.
This is where I'm heading and these are what I'll leave behind when I'm gone. Mankind and everything else is just crumbling bits and pieces that belong to God. I am only responsible for my duty to my family. I have always and will always do my duty by the grace of God.
Work and creation have defined the last 40 years of my life. As an engineer I have created processes to create products that I hoped would improve man's lot and provide a good living for my family. On the side I learned much about human nature and tried to understand more by studying the history of mankind.
I have watched my creations, the dreams I nurtured into processes and products for decades, become commodities for foreigners to build. Weeds grow in the parking lots of buildings where I once created technological wonders that brought wealth to the place where I lived and worked. Now the community crumbles around me, yards unkept, vacant buildings, idle youth sexting one another while using drugs to escape this dreary life. The technology that I helped create is used for the most base human desires.
Perhaps it is normal that hope in this life fades and dies as we grow old. It is awful to know that everything that you worked so hard to build is crumbling around you. To know that your hard-learned wisdom falls on deaf ears and dead eyes. That your daughters have the babies of soul-less dirt bags and that you will be the only human who ever truly loves or cares for them.
So I just plod along. I mow the grass, take out the garbage, pay the bills, fix the broken thing, give the advice knowing it is all for naught. I know that I am not in charge. I never was. God was always the director and I but a prop in His passion play.
I must be the man in my family's life; Husband, father and grandfather. That is the purpose that I must devote the rest of my life to. I must try to create men of honor and principle of my grandsons even as the world works to debauch them every second of every day. My reward is the little gifts that God sprinkles throughout His world. The smile at my whimsy, the soft touch of my wife, the puppy, the boy learns a thing and the smoky fire when everyone is safely home on a cold, snowy winter's evening.
This is where I'm heading and these are what I'll leave behind when I'm gone. Mankind and everything else is just crumbling bits and pieces that belong to God. I am only responsible for my duty to my family. I have always and will always do my duty by the grace of God.
posted by lugh lampfhota at 9:50 AM
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